Mortal Struggles with an Eternal Perspective

I’ve really been struggling lately. I don’t share this because I want people to feel sorry for me, but I don’t feel like I can keep it to myself anymore, either. By keeping my struggle to myself, I feel like I’m actually being really inauthentic, and anyone who knows me personally knows that inauthentic is the last thing I want to be.

There are a few reasons why I’m struggling…

  1. Money is tight. I’m working on my last semester of college, so I had to pull back on my hours at work to make sure I actually had time to get stuff done. My husband’s working a lot, but he doesn’t make as much as I do, so even with more hours, he’s not bringing home as much as I would if I working more. He helps as much as he can, and I don’t fault him for that, but it’s still stressful.
  2. Motivation is lacking. Yes, I pulled back on my hours at work to finish up school, but I’ve been going for so long that it takes much more effort for me to actually do my assignments. I’m beyond ready to move on to the next phase of life.
  3. Church is rare. Because my husband and I both work on Sundays, we’re never able to actually go to church. We watch sermons at home on our own, which is a good start, but I’m really missing the aspect of fellowship.
  4. Loneliness is abundant. I’ve always struggled in the friend department. A lot of friends have left me over the years, despite my best efforts to be there and support them. On rare occasions, I’ve lost friends because I chose to walk away because I was being treated poorly. I feel like I have people I can talk to at work if I need to, but in terms of actually spending time together outside of work and developing a friendship, I don’t have anyone. And with my husband working all the time, I get really lonely really easily. All I do is go to school, go to work, and do homework. That was my life before my husband came into the picture, and I didn’t really mind it then, but now it just feels sad and pathetic.

I’m trying to look at the big picture, but I have to admit, it’s really hard sometimes. Two things have been a source of comfort, though: Deuteronomy 31:6 and “We March On.”

Deuteronomy 31:6 – Be strong and of good courage, do not fear nor be afraid of them; for the Lord your God, He is the One who goes with you. He will not leave you nor forsake you.

If you have anything that has been helpful during these times of struggle, please share them with me. I need as much support as you’re willing to give.

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2 thoughts on “Mortal Struggles with an Eternal Perspective

  1. I still remember during our first year of marriage, I got really frustrated (we had one vehicle and it was stick and I didn’t know how to drive stick, the hubs was at school ALL.DAY.LONG (as in, sometimes I went and took him lunch and dinner because that was the only time I would see him) and I was in school and otherwise homebound. In my frustration I said, “Hey! I got married because I liked you and I wanted to spend MORE time with you, but I don’t see you at all now!!” Luckily, a few months into it, a gal volunteered to take me grocery shopping (which was nice because winter was approaching and bicycling all my groceries home wasn’t very appealing in the deep snow). Slowly, I made some new friends, but I was hesitant because I knew that we were only living there for nine months (until school ended) and I hate goodbyes. I ended up befriending the sister missionaries (they always needed an extra sister to have discussions so they came to my house a lot) and that was nice because we had the same two sisters in our area for the full nine months we lived there. I’m pretty sure that was a direct blessing from the Lord. They probably didn’t understand why they were in the same place for so long, but I knew.

    I would say it gets easier, but I think that would be trite. I guess I can say, it gets different. Earlier, we were poor college students with not enough time or money to make ends meet. Now we are in a different stage of life, and though money challenges are different, there are still money challenges and still not enough time in the day. Demands of work. Demands of kids. Demands on our time all around. And at the end of many a day I do find myself thinking, “this is monotonous”. But other days, there are moments that stand out like a beautiful sunset to a stormy day. I find that when I write down the things that make me smile, it helps quite a bit (hence all of Anna’s quotes on facebook). Other days, it helps when I can say, “Hey it could be worse.. I could have been Addy playing underneath Ezra’s jumper when he had a diaper blowout.” (Yeah, that was not pretty. Getting poop out of a two year old’s hair is surprisingly difficult!)

    Hang in there. There are more people (and angels) rooting you on than you may know.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Yeah, I would say hang in there as well….and seek, seek, seek the Lord in it. I just taught on Jesus and the Adulterous Woman in John 8 and what really struck me was that what would seem like the worst day ever for most – being exposed as an ugly sinner and dragged before everyone as an example like the woman had done for her turned out to be the greatest day ever — She wound up face to face with Jesus and walked away cleaned.

    God allows these times so our stuff, insecurity, pain, sin, struggle, doubts bubbles up from where we hide them when things are good and so we take them and cast them on Jesus. If we seek, He says we will fine and our relationship with Him will grow — seek first the Kingdom of God and the rest will be added to you!

    Praying for you!

    Like

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