I’ve really been struggling lately. I don’t share this because I want people to feel sorry for me, but I don’t feel like I can keep it to myself anymore, either. By keeping my struggle to myself, I feel like I’m actually being really inauthentic, and anyone who knows me personally knows that inauthentic is the last thing I want to be.
There are a few reasons why I’m struggling…
- Money is tight. I’m working on my last semester of college, so I had to pull back on my hours at work to make sure I actually had time to get stuff done. My husband’s working a lot, but he doesn’t make as much as I do, so even with more hours, he’s not bringing home as much as I would if I working more. He helps as much as he can, and I don’t fault him for that, but it’s still stressful.
- Motivation is lacking. Yes, I pulled back on my hours at work to finish up school, but I’ve been going for so long that it takes much more effort for me to actually do my assignments. I’m beyond ready to move on to the next phase of life.
- Church is rare. Because my husband and I both work on Sundays, we’re never able to actually go to church. We watch sermons at home on our own, which is a good start, but I’m really missing the aspect of fellowship.
- Loneliness is abundant. I’ve always struggled in the friend department. A lot of friends have left me over the years, despite my best efforts to be there and support them. On rare occasions, I’ve lost friends because I chose to walk away because I was being treated poorly. I feel like I have people I can talk to at work if I need to, but in terms of actually spending time together outside of work and developing a friendship, I don’t have anyone. And with my husband working all the time, I get really lonely really easily. All I do is go to school, go to work, and do homework. That was my life before my husband came into the picture, and I didn’t really mind it then, but now it just feels sad and pathetic.
I’m trying to look at the big picture, but I have to admit, it’s really hard sometimes. Two things have been a source of comfort, though: Deuteronomy 31:6 and “We March On.”
Deuteronomy 31:6 – Be strong and of good courage, do not fear nor be afraid of them; for the Lord your God, He is the One who goes with you. He will not leave you nor forsake you.
If you have anything that has been helpful during these times of struggle, please share them with me. I need as much support as you’re willing to give.